The stages of our grief anger, fear, guilt, depression, acceptances
Shock and Denial
It’s often difficult to acknowledge and experience the full shock of a loss right away. Denial is a psychological defence mechanism used to screen out many unhappy experiences by ignoring them. In an effort to suppress painful reality, we use denial as a largely unconscious way of protecting ourselves from anxiety and pain. Denial and dismay are often present in the early stages of a loss. It’s sometimes easier to allow a loss to come into our awareness gradually instead of all at once. Problems can occur, however, when this friendly protective mechanism becomes a way of life.
Anger
Losing something precious may seem unfair. People may feel resentful and angry with themselves and others for not being able to prevent a loss. Anger can be difficult to express, and it makes many people so uneasy that they suppress it and feel depressed and guilty instead. Anger is often a reaction not just to the loss, but to our own changed circumstances or feelings of abandonment. It will take time, but you can overcome anger by finding alternative outlets for your feelings or by talking things over with supportive people.
Guilt
It’s not unusual to blame ourselves for something we did or didn’t do prior to a loss. Guilt can be associated with many types of losses – divorce, job loss, death. When a loved one dies, many people feel guilty merely because they are still alive and the other person is dead. This is often called “survivor’s guilt.” It is important to acknowledge and accept the fact that there are events we just can’t control. The chances are great that nothing you could have done would have prevented the loss. The most important step when you’re feeling guilty is to forgive yourself.
Depression
For many people, grief manifests itself primarily as depression. Depression, which is a normal reaction to a loss, can be the most difficult and long-lasting phase of grieving. Depressed people feel tired, isolated, hopeless, helpless, lonely and sad. They have trouble concentrating, making decisions, and experience changes in their eating and sleeping habits. Every object becomes a painful reminder. Life seems pointless and without hope. As grief lessens and we find other reasons to live, depression usually fades.
Fear and Anxiety
Fear and anxiety are natural components of grief. Episodes of panic and other physical symptoms such as disturbed sleep, appetite changes, restlessness and fatigue are not uncommon during the first three to six months of grief. Loss shows us how vulnerable we are – that we have no guarantees in life. People close to us die, divorce, or move away. After a divorce or death of a spouse, many people are anxious about living alone. The fear of losing another loved one is common after a death and may result in excessive concern for the safety and health of others closest to you. Other worries may also surface, such as fear of losing a job, fear of one’s own death, or apprehensions about starting life over again.
Acceptance and Healing
Eventually most of us will reach a stage where we can accept our loss. When the pain of grief does fade, our thinking becomes sharper, judgment more reliable, concentration improves and our view of the world is less dismal. We should be able to remember the loss with a twinge of sadness. When we reach the point where the past no longer overwhelms us, we can regain the ability to laugh and enjoy ourselves, appreciate things of beauty, pay attention to events in the news, talk about the loss in a normal conversational tone and make plans for the future.
Dove Of Peace
